I had a definite devil/angel on my shoulders situation last night. The devil thought I should order Chinese food and snarf down chicken lo mein all night, while the angel thought I should also order a couple of egg rolls. I ignored them both, and had a ham sandwich. I had even texted my husband and asked my daughter what she wanted to order, so it took a lot to pull back from that precipice and choose to eat something healthier at home. After dinner, we went on a family walk. Yes, it was slower than I wanted due to the young child factor, but the important thing is that I finally followed through and went. Another walk is on the agenda for this evening.
Yeah, I still haven’t worked out. I’m not sure what my deal is, because here’s the thing: I really, really want to lose weight. But there’s a big difference between wanting that in an abstract sense and being willing to put in the work. I need to commit to exercise and make it a top priority. Physical appearance aside, I really want (and need) to get healthier, and I know exercise is the key to that, so… I think I’m going to get off my ass and go for a walk. Like right now. Okay fine, I’ll finish the blog first.
I had my WW meeting this afternoon, and I’ve lost 5.8 since I started 5 weeks ago. And… I can’t come up with another thing to talk about, so I guess I’m out of excuses not to exercise. Drat. Okay, I’m off!
Food continues to go well. I’m sort of amazed at how well, actually. My weigh-in is tomorrow, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be down a few pounds. I’m hoping for 3 total (I skipped weigh-in last week, so this would be a 2-week total). That would put me into the 230s, which would be very exciting. I’ve been going up and down the same 10 pounds for months (from about 237 to 247), so this is my chance to push past that and maintain a solid downward trend.
As far as working out… well, let’s talk some more about how great the food part is going! Tee hee. It’s Tuesday, and I haven’t worked out since my meeting with the personal trainer on Friday. Not good. There’s still time to get 2 or 3 workouts in, though, so my hope is that putting this out into the universe will encourage me to get out there and walk today. My subdivision is very hilly, and I live on a loop that is exactly 1 mile. In the 8 months I’ve lived here, I’ve gone on only one 2-mile walk. It’s gorgeous out there today, though, and that’s about to change!
By the way, bears have been sited in my neighborhood, so if I’m not back here tomorrow, please come find me. I’ll be in the third tree from the left.
Today I feel a little off. I ate lunch out and although it could have been worse, it could have been better (I won’t bore you with the details, but tasty Mexican food was involved). I don’t feel out of control with food, and I’ve got a solid eating plan for the rest of the day to offset the big lunch. My main struggle right now is that I feel no motivation. I should be working out… or cleaning… or folding laundry… or writing… or really doing just about anything more productive than reading Yahoo News.
It’s days like these that I need to utilize my non-sour cream based coping skills. This blog is one of them, and I’m actually feeling a little inspired to move as I write these words. My other favorite right now is to meditate for 10 minutes with an app on my iPhone. It’s called “Simply Being” and it really does help clear the cobwebs. Unfortunately, it usually turns into “Simply Being While Trying To Focus On Meditation While my 6 Year Old Yells At My Twelve Year Old For Hiding Her Favorite Stuffed Animal” but it’s worth a shot.
Yay me! I went away for the night and didn’t make overeating a part of the festivities. I ordered grilled chicken, veggies, and a side of sweet potato fries. I ate all of the chicken and veggies, and treated myself to about a third of the fries dipped in ranch. After dinner, we went to the casino, so feel free to picture the rest of my blog read through one of those fake voice boxes, because I feel like I need one after all that smoke. *Hack, Hack* So I had enough for a few vodka and club sodas at the casino (4 counts as a few, right?). Traditionally, this is when Tipsy Em would appear and I’d ask my husband to stop at Burger King or we’d order room service and I’d eat a full meal at 11:30 pm, but I actually had no desire to do that at all, and I think it’s because I was focusing on the goal I wrote down in this blog yesterday and the whole accountability thing.
“Accountable to who?” you might ask, and that’s when I’d smack you and say “Accountable to WHOM, you miscreant!” because I’m so much more than JUST a fat woman – I’m a fat woman who’s an insufferable grammar snob and likes to pick fights with strangers on the internet. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I’ll be your best friend. Anyway, I guess in the back of my mind, I’m hoping to make this blog “public” to people who actually know me, and nobody wants to make themselves vulnerable in that way and not actually lose the weight. So that’s the plan… but not until I lose some weight first.
We’re going out for our 19th anniversary this evening, and for the first time ever, my husband reserved a restaurant (and hasn’t told me where). This is romantic, because he isn’t really a fancy restaurant guy, and I know he really just wants to eat soft pretzels and chicken tenders at a Buffalo Wild Wings. It’s a sweet gesture, but it’s going to make pre-planning with Weight Watchers points impossible. I’m going to eat very little for breakfast and lunch, but restaurant meals add up quickly on the ol’ WW points scale.
This sort of situation is typically the kind that makes me wake up the morning after with a serious case of frosting regret. I go in with the best of intentions, and sometimes even make it through the ordering process (salmon, please!), only to fall prey to a bread basket or dessert. And then once I’ve “blown” it, I eat all evening long. Disordered thinking at its finest! My trainer suggested that instead of ordering something I don’t really want, I go with what I want and only eat half of it. I would like to take this further by adding this goal: I will eat slowly and savor the food so I actually taste it. Yes, this is one of my biggest problems. I’m usually so busy shoveling my food in (and thinking about how bummed I am that there are only a few bites left) that I barely taste the food.
So this evening, I’m going to try to remember something my WW leader said a few weeks ago: There’s always going to be something. There’s always going to be an anniversary, or a party, or a birthday, and if you’re truly committed to losing weight, you work the program and get through the event without gaining weight. This struck me as brilliant and true. Of course, the leader also said you could substitute lowfat plain yogurt for ranch dressing and it tastes just as good, so she’s clearly delusional, but she has her moments.
I had my first meeting with my personal trainer this morning. I’m sad to report that she was perfectly normal and pleasant and didn’t make me feel like an idiot, which is excellent for my goal to lose weight, but horrible for my goal to make this blog funny. Apparently, it would have killed her to show up in an 80s high-cut leotard and a drill instructor hat. Anyway, she did a health assessment, and I feel like I did a pretty good job being honest about my problems sticking to an exercise program and my food issues. Forty-five questions later, we determined that my problem is that I “don’t” exercise, but I “do” overeat. I know – I was shocked too.
After the interview, she had me walk on the treadmill for a mile so she could get my heart rate. This was actually pretty painful, since I have horrible shin splints, and there is nothing like walking on a treadmill to make those puppies seize up. She said we’ll work on the shin splints (but told me to keep walking, dammit), and got the heart rate. My BMI was 39.4%, which (to put it in medical terms), is about two cheeseburgers away from morbidly obese. So… yay! I only qualify as obese! We should celebrate tonight — I’ll get a cake.
After my big mile walk, I did 10 minutes on a Precor and called it a day. I told myself I’d stretch when I got home, but got sucked into a minor work crisis. The shins are not pleased with me. I’m meeting the trainer next Friday morning, and my goal is to work out three times by then. I’m hoping that the looming Friday appointment will keep me accountable and I’ll actually follow through on those workouts. My need to impress others is not a character trait I’m particularly proud of, but I might as well use it for good instead of evil. People-pleasing: it’s not just for one-way friendships and loveless marriages anymore!
My stats, at a glance:
Weight loss goal: To sit on a see-saw without launching the other person 50 feet into the air. (In non-smart ass terms: I need to lose 80 pounds).
Body type: Potatoesque. Mmm… potatoes.
So yeah, it’s probably about time I committed to losing weight. I had a whole defensive post written about how I’m not an idiot, and I know WHY I’m fat, and that I’ve tried diet and exercise plans a billion times, and that I realize eating right and exercising are the only way to lose weight so just GET OFF MY BACK ALREADY, but you know what? Let’s just take a deep breath and not go there. Let’s just focus on today and the positive steps we’re going to take! Is that cool with you? Great. Can I get a woot woot??
*Pause while woot woot echoes around the chambers of the internet
ANYway, I’ve joined Weight Watchers – again. I chose Weight Watchers, because studies show that the 874th time is often the charm. I also just called the YMCA and got an appointment with a personal trainer for 9 am tomorrow. I’m hoping she goes easy on me, because all that dialing left me pretty winded.